I’m not sure why, but I always end up writing my blogs around midnight. I thinks it’s because on the nights when I write, I’ve had time to lay in bed for awhile with my thoughts and memories. They begin settle and coagulate into something solid enough to take a bite out of.
Tonight, I just want to chat. Do you mind if we chat? And by we, I of course mean me and my myself and you, the reader to be named later.
Tonight, I’m kept awake by the soreness of my newly broken right elbow. Sigh.
I’ve been trying to get into the habit of taking a jog in the afternoons. I really enjoy it and besides the exercise, it does wonders for my thoughts, my mood, and to quiet the ramble of my brain. On this particular day, I wasn’t terriblely distracted, but obviously enough to not pick my feet up high enough from the broken concrete. I did a vary comical, momentum induced, fall on the concrete at 1:30 in the afternoon. Right in front of a lawn service company. Then I had to lay on the ground and hear the men ask if I’m okay. Dying of humiliation, I nod and sat on the sidewalk, nursing my bruised knee and my bruised pride. My whole arm hurt. When I finally got home, I told myself that if the pain in my elbow got worse I would call the doc in the morning. That lasted about 30 mins before I called my ex mother in law to get the kids and took myself to urgent care. 3 x-rays later, diagnosis: fractured elbow.
Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It sucks y’all. I’ll never again take for granted things like, putting my hair in pony tail. Locking my front door. Putting on deodorant. Sliding my key into the ignition. Sleeping comfortably, which is what ails me at the moment.
I’m annoyed and in pain and frustrated and it’s literally only been about a day since it happened. Send. Help!
In other news, it has been announced to the world that the Bustamante kids will be adding another to their rank.
Obviously, not from me.
I have to admit, when he first told me the news, it hurt. I am grateful that he had the gumption to tell me himself, instead of having to find out through social media. It was 1 day after my divorce was final. I was working from home, kids weren’t there. I don’t remember being very productive at work. I checked some emails, made a few phone calls, but mostly, I cried on my couch all morning. Thinking about it now, it was almost a physical feeling. The severing of my old life from my new one with a THWACK! Like a meat cleaver, cutting mercilessly the past from the present. Clean. Neat. And harsh.
Once again, my dear and wonderful friends stepped up to sooth the ache. We had Pizza and Pajama (and wine) party that night. We used “lip masks”, quite unsuccessfully I might add, and danced around. I was able to unburden myself. To talk about the hurts of the past few months. But this is how I know that I’m healing. I was able to talk about the future as well. I was able to take a step back and think about how far I’ve come. I was able to be happy. To laugh about how different my life looks than a year ago. To find humor in everything. And I left feeling so great.
This is what I really wanted to write about. To tell you guys how good I feel. To feel the pride I have in myself for everything that I’ve been through and still kept my life from toppling over. That I maintained my dignity. To have been able to grow in my faith and my friendships. To provide for myself and the kids. Sure, there are hiccups. Obviously, I’m typing this with one hand cause I broke my right elbow! Doh!
But I’m proud of myself. I (along with loads of help!) have created a new life for myself. And it’s a good one. I lack for nothing.
My ex mother in law brought food and groceries over for me the past 2 days, just out of the kindness of her heart. I have people who text me daily, checking in, sending me pictures and sharing news of their life and inquiring about mine.
My dad is planning to come over this week to help put up my Christmas lights. My kids come into my room to lay down and chit chat with their mom. They routinely ask for family movie night. Girlfriends ask me when our next hang out might will be! And I’m happy. I’m grateful to have these people in my life who have helped and loved me until I was able to stand on my own again. Now that I am, I’m stronger. I’m a better fit for my self.
As I sit, looking at my bare Christmas tree, I feel humbled. Not because my tree isn’t decorated yet. But this tree is special because it’s the first one I’ve ever bought all by myself. I picked it out, payed for it and put it in its stand. I moved my furniture around to give it its proper place.
It’s things like this that bring that warm feeling to my chest. To see, with my eyes, that my life is still good. My divorce felt like death. And to be honest, it was. Death to my old life.
This new life is vibrant. And fun. And full of music and color and yes, even broken bones. And I’ll never, ever go back to feeling anything less than how I do right now. Scouts Honor!
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