It’s January of 2023. And I can honestly say I have never, at least in my adult life, entered a new year feeling as happy as I am feeling at the moment. It’s not because everything is going right. There are still many troubles, woes, and life to maintain. It’s due to the fact that I’ve chosen to be happy.
I don’t always feel 100%. It’s not that the circumstances in my life are all pointing in a forward direction of kick ass and good hair days. It’s that I’ve created enough momentum, enough support, enough fulfillment that when I get derailed, I don’t think that my life is a dumpster fire.
I’ve been thinking about how to share what I’ve learned and how I’ve implemented it into my life and the simplest was I think I can share it is to just put it into a list. So here ya go.
1.Move on from the need of certainty
Honestly, this one is VERY hard to do at first. It’s absolutely terrifying. We want to feel absolutely sure that the next decision is the right one and sometimes we will wait FOR YEARS, or maybe even our entire life, for the “right time”. Guess what? Rarely, if ever, will the right time come to be. So crawl your way to the end of the diving board, let your toes peek over the edge, and start the momentum of the bounce. Then leap! Once your feet leave the plank, cannon ball into the unknown. Yeah it’s crazy. But you’ll no longer be stuck stagnant, waiting for a moment that will probably never come. Make your own waves. Explore the unknown.
Fear is powerful. It will make you freeze in your steps, convince you to stay in an awful relationship, a dead end job, an endless loop of unfulfilling routines that trick us into safety. But being afraid should not be the reason we stay stuck. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being afraid, and doing it anyways! I mean, be wise about your choices. I’m not saying to just carelessly cartwheel through life, with no consideration or thought to consequences, but stop letting that little foul voice that only you can hear keep you from creating something amazing in your life. Even if it’s just a Saturday night with line dancing, or the bravery of a first kiss. Magic happens when you don’t let fear silence the longing of your heart.
3. Heal
Now this one is a tad trickier. And the reason why I say this is because it’s not a one and done kind of thing. You don’t slap a bandaid on your heartache and call it a day. I’ve had a lot of conversations with myself, my friends, and with God about why my heart still hurt from things I thought I’d healed from. And maybe that’s the point? Maybe it’s something to always need looking after cause if I don’t, it will fester.
Heal so you’re not triggered by long lost hurts. Heal so you don’t repeat bad habits. Heal so you don’t inflict pain on someone else. Heal so you don’t soak your pillow with tears for years and years. Heal so you can be genuinely happy for others in their success. Heal for your kids so they can grow to be healthy adults. Heal for yourself so you don’t walk around with shame. Or guilt. Or sorrow. Or any other calamity.
I’m not saying healing is easy. If it was easy, everyone would be healed. It’s hard AF. It takes a ton of effort. Trial and error. Repetition. Starting over. Again. And again. I didn’t say it would be easy. I only say it will be worth it.
How? Effort mostly.
But seek help. Therapy. Friendships. Family. Build healthy relationships. Build fun habits that you enjoy. Read more. Exercise. Sleep in. Stay up late. Get dessert. Watch a sunset. Show up for you friends. Buy new shampoo that makes your hair smell nice. Keep your Christmas tree up longer. Lay in the grass and let your clothes get wet from the dew. Jump on a trampoline. Just do what you can to heal the hurt parts of your heart.
4. Stop rescheduling joy
What’s the point? This life is SO INCREDIBLY SHORT. The Bible even speaks about our time on this earth being like a vapor. Why wait for joy? Stop feeling bad about wanting to be happy. Stop saying that there’s not time for it. Baby, the time is NOW. Why would we put off joy…only to think we can have it later…but the worry’s of our life don’t stop just because we command them to. Be happy with the woes of the world around you. Honestly, why not be happy now…and then be happy again later? Why not both? Why should we look at others and have an ache in our chest at the enjoyment they feel from their lives while feeling like were living in purgatory in ours due to, idk, regret? Shame? Poor time management? Money problems? Stop rescheduling joy. Be happy in your life NOW.
5. Do the work
Nothing comes easy. And if it comes easy rarely is it worth much. Getting what you want without work is ultimately unrewarding. You know why gym people post selfies and food pictures constantly? Cause they work their butts off to get there and they are proud of it. Put in work. In whatever you do. Marriage problem? Do the work. Teenage woes? Do the work. Issues with your friends? Do the work. Betraying yourself? Do the damn work. Be diligent and hard working. When we do a good job, we don’t look over our shoulders to see who is watching. We just do. And pride and joy come with a job well done. Do the work and good things will follow.
6. Embrace the suck
This one is so much easier said than done. But what this means is that when you’re in an unavoidable place in life that breaks your heart, and you have to try to piece things back together, embrace the suck. Don’t wallow in self pity but don’t shy away from the sadness. Heartbreak demands respect. And your emotions, the happy and the sad, need to be honored. So when you’re sad, just be sad for awhile. Don’t let it linger, don’t create a bed and fluff the pillow for it, but you definitely need to make a smidge of space for it. Let that feeling run it’s course. Let it drain your eyes and sit on your chest for awhile. It won’t last forever. I promise. It hurts. I know it does. It’s a rotten feeling. But guess what? It’s also a normal, human, God given emotion. It serves a purpose. Stop running from it constantly and just let it be.
7. Get over your own bullshit
Sometimes we wonder why we keep running into the same problems over and over again. I know this one is hard to swallow, but…maybe the problem is you!? I say this with LOVE. But, I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit. You want to eat healthy but don’t like veggies? Get over your own BS. You hate your job but don’t know where to look for another one? Get over your own BS. You keep returning to the same lousy relationship that doesn’t serve you and wonder why youre unhappy? Get over your own BS.
8. Find things that move you
You know that feeling at 2 am you get that moves you to change your life, but that feeling evaporates when the sun in shining? Find that feeling. Listen to a song to move you. A podcast. Watch a movie that makes you feel a certain type of way. (No, not THOSE MOVIES, you perv)
You know what movies I like? I like movies and stories when the option for what the character thought they wanted is still there and they end up choosing for themselves. It’s not like the other option burned up and all they have is the better option now. I like when both choices are presented and they choose for themselves. That’s kickass.
9. Embarrassing bravery
There’s a quote from “We bought a zoo” that talks about 20 seconds of insane courage and magical things will happen. And I agree 100%. Putting yourself out there for rejection or embarrassment is HORRIFYING.
But magic lies on the other side of those 20 seconds. So kiss the girl. Have that conversation. Reach out to a friend. Quit the dead end job. Wear that dress. Speak up. Join that team. End the crummy relationship. Put your name in the hat. Make your mother effing moves!
10. Don’t shrink. Let them stretch
This is a quote I read recently and it struck me HARD. But I’ve definitely started to embrace this. I used to shrink to the size of what others were capable to reaching.
Fuck. That.
Why should I make myself smaller just so you can reach me? Stretch baby. And if you can’t reach, you’re not my people. It sounds very cut throat. And maybe I have become a little cut throat. But it has given me room to spread my wings and be more comfy with the person I am. The people who love me, love me for me and we see each other eye to eye, not with me looking down, begging you to reach up to join me. You want to be on my level?
Better stretch.
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